First Day Done!

Boy howdy! was it hard to get out of the house this morning. After rocking the first two hours, getting three kids to school--on time, for once--and even a shower for myself, I went back home to pick up my computer and be out the door to WRITE.

And then, the War of Art began. I stumbled over what to eat for breakfast (just eat something), where to go to write (cheap), and whether I should make my own espresso or buy it (bought it).

The (apparent) enormity of my task overwhelmed, as did the guilt of begging my middle child to try to go to school even though he didn't feel up to par yet. He had no fever, but his allergies were making him feel awful; I could see it. But I begged him, saying that I had to start editing today, not tomorrow, or I was going to lose it. I told him that I would come and get him if he felt bad--and then, when he called in the middle of a productive spate, I talked him into eating a little early and trying again to stay so that I could work until school let out. I did check with the office lady on how he looked to her, but still...I've taught my kids that I trust their self-evaluation. Today, for the war of art, I broke that belief. Good mother? Bad mother? Ack.

Other than all that, it was a good day of editing. I'll share with you what my dear, agented, writer friend said when I told her of today's battle:

"You need to get out of the microscope lens and zoom out to the big picture-- at this stage, you're selling the idea, the concept, your voice, yourself (well, not literally). TRUE, you have to show you can write, and the line-by-line needs to be strong, but you've already done that well enough, imho. ... [If] the editors [can] see the view beyond, they'll grab the Windex once the car is in their lot. You want to sell them your Maserati idea -- the fewer door dings or latte stains on the carpet the better, but if they love the car, they'll work with you to detail it. (doncha love my crazy-ass metaphors?)

So try to stem the flow of fear, and trust that you have a Maserati, not a 70s station wagon or a cardboard race car. Stop worrying about every fingerprint or scratch. It'll *paralyze* you and keep you from moving forward!! And at this stage, you gotta move!

Now ... step back, don't plug away at the small stuff. Look at the larger scope, and work on that -- idea, concept, voice, engagement, structure. Ensure *that*, and you'll be on your way.

Here endeth the sermon from St. She Doesn't Know Shit."

Isn't St. She Doesn't Know Shit great? I can't wait to get back to my Maserati tomorrow!

The non-First Day

So, The Oat Project is about integrating the Wild into everyday life, much in the vein of this quote:

"Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." David Lloyd George

Instead of starting that epic leap today, I woke to two boys who were too sick to go to school. So, as long as they're better tomorrow, full-time work on revisions will start then.

Through doing this book, I learned that I see life as a river. I want to be in the water, where it's dynamic and flowing; not stuck on shore where people think they're safe but they're only static (death). I may get pulled under at times, have to swim hard other times, float in the sun or cling to a rock, but I'm where Life is.

Here's a moment of clarity about some stretches of that river, courtesy of Chuck Snow, from this evening on Facebook. This is the transcript of our conversation, starting with my status update:

"Jene Jackson: asks you to forgive her momentary lapse into publicly expressed pessimism. And here is a quote: "In matters of the heart, nothing is true except the improbable." -- Madame de Stael

Chuck Snow: Yes, it's much better to pretend that everything and everyone floats along in a rose-colored ocean of magic, fluffy bunnies and chocolates shaped like Gandhi.

Jene Jackson: Yes, it's much better to pretend that everything and everyone floats along in an excrement-covered ocean of filth, sharp knives and meth-filled chocolates shaped like George W.

Chuck Snow: Who's pretending? lol

Jene Jackson: I prefer not pretending, floating along with everything and everyone in a real, sweetsaltydarkbeerwhiskeytasting river of laughter, hugs that crush your bones, and dark chocolate-covered coffee beans shaped like boobs."

This first First

Hi! This blog is the first home for my book, The Oat Project, a memoir about sowing my wild oats late. A simple plan to get drunk for the first time, at 37, turned into a 14-week project in which I did 24 things that I'd never done before...starting with marijuana. I thought it would be stupid, silly, and girl-fun. But facing down heavy-duty embedded fear that much, in that short a time, brought on transformation. I am now more about "bring it" than "avoid it."

The book is my life, too, though. So you'll find discoveries, fascinations, and musings here, all about integrating the Wild. Please feel free to participate!

I just quit my job (more on that later) and will be writing full time starting this Monday, sending to agents by the end of three weeks. If I knew you through work at the Colorado Springs Independent, thank you so very much for enriching my life. Thank you for the same if we met elsewhere. :-)

That's all for now. Back to prepping my house/life for hitting the writing life at a run on Monday.

A question for you: What have you never done that you think you couldn't do now?